The Trip and the Appointment

The trip to the doctor's office was miserable. Looking back, even though it's been a year, I still feel very, very sad about it. Mom insisted that Pop sit in the front seat with me. She sat in the back and cried most of the way. She was so frustrated, kept wondering what she had done wrong. We tried to reassure her and relieve some of the fear/pain, but she would have none of that. Our comments only caused her more anguish, and she continued to be angry and threaten us. She said she would go, but she would never let either one of us forget it. She did not intend to forgive us!

The appointment lasted 1 1/2 hours. I wish I could say it didn't seem that long, but it did. And it was painful: to watch this doctor reveal the severity of Mom's condition was excruciating. I suppose we all have enabled Mom because we love her and try to help her be comfortable. We supply words when she hesitates and give her hints to try to help her remember things when we are talking.

To sit while this woman asked questions, and not be allowed to supply any of the answers for her, was very difficult. She would look to Pop and me for help. He mostly stared at the wall behind the doctor's head. I think this was the only way he could maintain his composure. I maintained eye contact with Mom a great deal, smiling and nodding my head. But it really hurt to remain silent as she struggled trying to find answers that were nowhere to be found. Things only got more difficult as the session progressed, but I'll save that for another day.