No driving, are you kidding?

The “no driving” edict was one of the most difficult to implement. At first, it seemed it might be impossible to enforce.

I first approached Pop early last summer with the idea that he hide Mom’s keys. He told me that she was still a good driver and it would crush her not to be able to drive anymore. He said she only goes to the grocery store and the hairdresser. Well, both of these places are located in the neighborhood, but you have to cross a busy four-lane street to get to the grocery store. Pop did not appear to be worried, so I went home that day trying to put away my worries.

Later in the summer we went to our first appointment with Dr. Tee, during which she gave us the official diagnosis and the instructions for Mom. Upon receiving her opinion that Mom should not drive, we sisters redoubled our efforts to persuade Pop to take Mom’s keys. Nothing we said had any affect, and she continued to drive her car. More than once she used her “emergency” cell phone to call someone to come lead her home.

But Pop seemed to be living in denial. (And how difficult it would be to admit the truth at this point! They had enjoyed quite a few years together, and he surely did not want to think of finishing his life’s journey caring for his sweetheart who no longer knew who he was.) And Mom continued to drive.

Word moved through our little family grapevine one Saturday morning that Mom drove herself to the hairdresser. Immediately one of the sisters who lives close drove to the shopping center and sat in her car in the parking lot until Mom came out. She later reported that Mom drove home safely, after following a very slow and circuitous route, and was unaware of her being in the car behind her.

One day Pop went to the local hospital (several miles from their home) for a procedure which, as it turned out, required him to stay overnight. Mom went with him. When she realized later that night that he had to stay, she decided to drive home. She was unable to find her way out of the hospital so she called one of her daughters. As she wandered, a nurse approached her, took her phone, and spoke emphatically to the sister, “You need to come get her. She does not know where she is!”

Soon after that evening, one of the sisters took Mom’s car key off the ring of keys in her purse and took it home with her. When Pop discovered this, he was irate! He threatened everyone in the family to get the key back. I told him I didn’t have the key, but I would get it back to him. No one had any idea he would react so violently, but maybe he took it as an affront to his judgment. We don’t know. At any rate, I got the key back and took it to him without saying where I found it. Next followed some anxious weeks of wondering whether he would let Mom drive again.