The Conclusion of the Appointment

Dr. Tee first of all wanted to see us back in one month. (Pop made the appointment before we left the office.) Second, she wanted Mom to rule out possible physical causes for her memory loss by seeing a primary care physician and getting a urinary analysis, TSH (thyroid), CBC and Dif., plus a CT scan. (Mom chose a CT over an MRI, and I don't blame her a bit. Forty-five minutes in a tube did not appeal to her.)

The doctor gave her a prescription for an antidepressant and some samples of a more expensive pill called Seroquel. The second was to be used only in the event of extreme agitation and/or sleeplessness. When Mom continued to act as if she might or might not take the medication and follow the doctor's instruction, Dr. Tee explained it to her this way: I can help you maintain the status quo if you will do as I ask and take the medications. You and your husband will both feel better, and you'll be able to continue living in your home. Do you want to continue living where you live now? Yes? Well, then, you need to take the medication. And Pop, you need to see that she takes it.

In addition, Dr. Tee added a no-driving stipulation, 24-hour supervision (not to be by herself at all), and she must have help with her finances--no more handling her checkbook by herself. And Pop must get a different power of attorney. At this point, they still held each other's POA.

That concluded the appointment that lasted forever (well, almost). The three of us were exhausted, but we had one more appointment on the agenda for the day. Whew!

Time for a Humor Break

Humor is such a delightful and necessary element of our lives. Maybe I'll write more about its necessity later, but for now I'll just mention that never is it more beneficial than when people are so extremely stressed out! So, let's laugh a while. If something here tickles your funny bone, be sure to pass it along to someone else who needs more laughter (which is usually most of us).

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know, sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

LIVE SIMPLY...LAUGH OFTEN...LOVE DEEPLY

--from an email. We really DO need to laugh more, and more often! Love to all...jw

Testing, testing...

It occurs to me in looking at the first three blogs for this site that the reverse order will not seem natural because of the way I am relating things. If you tell a friend about Sharin' Support, you probably should say, "Start with June24." To start reading today about testing might cause someone to wonder if the author is even sensible. Also, today's heading about testing refers to the same day of the diagnosis, June 17, 2007. There could have been some tests earlier, but things didn't work out well.

One time a couple of years ago we (sisters and I) convinced Pop to take our mother to a doctor. He took her to their "family doctor," not a gerontologist or any other kind of specialist. Pop later related that the doctor put a piece of paper in front of Mother and asked her to answer the questions. She took one look at the list of questions and became irate. So Pop (in order to stem off an explosion most likely) wadded up the sheet of paper and tossed it into the trashcan. Since I did not see the paper, I do not know what "set her off." However, there are many resources one can check on the internet to read about symptoms and early signs. I am including a few questions here as an example:

The symptom screener can help you find out if the problems you're noticing could be symptoms of Alzheimer's. Answer the eight questions below about changes in your loved one and share them with the doctor. For each question, answer "Yes, a change" or "No, no change" or "Don't know."

"Yes, a change" indicates that there has been a change in the last several years caused by cognitive (thinking and memory) problems.

1. Problems with judgment (problems making decisions, bad financial decisions, problems with thinking, etc.)

2. Less interest in hobbies/activities

3. Repeats the same things over and over (questions, stories, or statements)

4. Trouble learning how to use a tool, appliance, or gadget (e.g., VCR, computer, microwave, remote control)

5. Forgets correct month or year

6. Trouble handling complicated financial affairs (balancing checkbook, income taxes, paying bills, etc.)

7. Trouble remembering appointments

8. Daily problems with thinking or memory

Talk to your doctor or health care provider, especially if you've answered "Yes, a change" to two or more questions.

The preceding was taken from an advertisement for Aricept, a medication that may slow the progression of Alzheimer's.


Now, back to June 17, 2007--the Testing

The doctor, I shall call her Dr. Tee, asked Mom questions in a frank manner, very clearly, with just enough elaboration that we could understand what she was asking for, but Mom continued to barely conceal her anger (and could it be contempt?) as she tried to field the questions and come up with adequate answers.

She reminded me of students I have had who did not know the answer but did not want to admit to the fact. They would answer with a comeback of their own to make it seem like, well, of course, they knew the answer. Why did I ask? But when pressed for more info, they really did not know.

For instance, Dr. Tee asked Mom her age. Mom chuckled and replied that yes, she knew her own age.

Dr. Tee: Well, what is it?

Mom: Well, I'm in my seventies.

Dr. Tee: What is it? (All this time Mom kept looking to Pop and me for a hint or sympathy or something.)

Mom: Oh, 75 or 77. You can figure it up.

Dr. Tee: Yes, I can; I have your birth date right here on the computer. But I want to know if you know. Most people know their own age when questioned and can just blurt it out.

This was maybe the first "big" shock to be revealed. There were more to come.

Upon Dr. Tee's request, Mom was unable to draw a clock with the numbers on the face and then draw hands on the face indicating the time to be 11:10. Her drawing when asked to do this made me want to burst into tears instantly. But Mom continued to act as if she did not understand what the big fuss was all about. She asked us, "Isn't everyone forgetful from time to time? His (Pop's) memory isn't so good sometimes." (And then to me later, "His is a lot worse than mine. Why's he trying to put all of the blame on me?")

The next part seemed to come straight from The 36-Hour Day. Dr. Tee told Mom she was going to say three words. She wanted Mom to repeat them and then remember them because she would ask her to repeat them again in a little bit. Mom repeated "tulip, brown, umbrella." The doctor changed the subject for one or two minutes and then asked Mom to repeat the three words. The whole time I was repeating them in my mind, thinking, Come on, Mom, you can do it. She could not name one of the words. First hint from the doc: the first word is a flower--no response. Did I say rose, daisy, or tulip? Rose. And the same with the other two words. Even with the hints, Mom did not appear to have a clue what the doctor was talking about. This shock was really bad.

We talked about where they go during an average day, what kind of activities they are involved in, who handles the finances, who does the driving. The responses from Mom did not get any less hostile as time went on.

Mom and the doctor went across the hall for the physical testing. After she put Mom in that room, she came back briefly to talk to Pop and me. She said, "I can't leave her in there for long because she will become more upset." So listen quickly, in other words. She asked Pop how many vehicles they have; he said, "Two." She asked how many drivers; he said, "Two." She then said, "No, you have one driver; get rid of one of the vehicles somehow." Then she went across the hall to check Mom's reflexes, heart, blood pressure, I suppose. When they came back to us, she mentioned that Mom was very healthy. She also said she has a slight heart murmur. No one was aware of that.

The Trip and the Appointment

The trip to the doctor's office was miserable. Looking back, even though it's been a year, I still feel very, very sad about it. Mom insisted that Pop sit in the front seat with me. She sat in the back and cried most of the way. She was so frustrated, kept wondering what she had done wrong. We tried to reassure her and relieve some of the fear/pain, but she would have none of that. Our comments only caused her more anguish, and she continued to be angry and threaten us. She said she would go, but she would never let either one of us forget it. She did not intend to forgive us!

The appointment lasted 1 1/2 hours. I wish I could say it didn't seem that long, but it did. And it was painful: to watch this doctor reveal the severity of Mom's condition was excruciating. I suppose we all have enabled Mom because we love her and try to help her be comfortable. We supply words when she hesitates and give her hints to try to help her remember things when we are talking.

To sit while this woman asked questions, and not be allowed to supply any of the answers for her, was very difficult. She would look to Pop and me for help. He mostly stared at the wall behind the doctor's head. I think this was the only way he could maintain his composure. I maintained eye contact with Mom a great deal, smiling and nodding my head. But it really hurt to remain silent as she struggled trying to find answers that were nowhere to be found. Things only got more difficult as the session progressed, but I'll save that for another day.

The Diagnosis

July 17, 2007, was a big day: things were finally going to be out in the open. Mother, her husband, and I went to an appointment for her with a neuropsychiatrist. She specializes in treating Alzheimer's patients. She is very professional and businesslike. And she pulls no punches, so to speak.

I went to their home because Pop was having trouble getting Mom to agree to go to the doctor's appointment. She was extremely upset, so I went there instead of meeting them at the office. When I arrived, Mom was angry. She seemed to feel that we were in a conspiracy against her. I hugged her and asked her to get ready. She said she wasn't going anywhere, and I said we were going to the doctor. As she continued to refuse to go, she went about combing her hair, picking up her purse, and so on. She was so unhappy with us that she didn't care what clothes she wore. She said it was our idea and she didn't give a d---.

Through a Glass Darkly

Hindsight is 20/20, and yes, we can see clearly today; but ten years ago our vision was clouded. It seems we were missing many pieces of the puzzle. We were seeing "through a glass darkly"(1 Cor. 13:12). When I say "we," I am referring to my immediate family, as well as my four sisters, their children, and our stepfather. Mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. We saw many signs along the way, but nobody wanted to admit the truth. We chose to shrug off little memory slip-ups as just normal signs of aging.

Now, about ten years later, we are no longer able to remain in denial. Mom's condition has progressed to the point that a change is eminent, not just for her living arrangements, but also to ensure that her nutritional, safety, and hygiene needs are met. So, as we begin to walk through the next part of this journey, I want to share with others who may be coming along in the same paths through which we have already walked. Maybe the experiences of my family can be beneficial to someone else.

I will begin by telling of our first trip to the doctor which took place in July, 2007, and then progress to where we are today.