Falling Again

Falling is still on my mind. The bruises that show up on Mom's arms or hands or feet--are they caused by falls? We don't really know. The bruises look serious, for one reason because Mom's skin is light-colored and very thin. The purples and reds are startling! But when we ask, the answer is something like, I don't know. I guess I must have bumped up against something.

My personal feeling is that Mom wanders during the night while Pop is asleep. She may or may not turn on the lights when she gets up, but beds have been found "slept in" in both extra bedrooms at various times. So we don't know if she has fallen in the night or bumped into furniture or run into a door.

And I can understand that she would be reluctant to tell us she has fallen. Two years ago I fell twice--in my classroom--in front of twenty-five high school students! Yes, I was embarrassed, but I was able to laugh at myself and get to my feet and go on with class. However, because the incidents happened only two months apart, I became alarmed after the second one. What if something was wrong? What if I had a tumor that was causing me to lose my balance? What if I was getting old and this was the first sign of more to come?

I didn't voice my fears, but they were real. And an older person is bound to have some of the same feelings, even if he or she cannot verbalize them. Or maybe they just don't want to talk about them, lest someone think they are a danger to themselves and they might have to go live somewhere else. Admitting that one has fallen must be (to their way of thinking) the same as saying they are no longer able to take care of themselves.