Compassion

I picked up a book a couple of days ago entitled When Love Gets Tough, The Nursing Home Decision, by Doug Manning. I was not familiar with the author, but as I began to page through the book, I quickly became interested. Talk about seeing both sides of a situation: Mr. Manning sees more sides than I could have ever dreamed up. And I am grateful to him. I intend to pass this little book along to my sisters because it makes the reader think of areas ahead of time that one might not otherwise have thought to deal with.

Odd that I would choose to read this little gem the day after I blogged to all the world of my frustrations! But maybe it’s not so odd. After all, my steps are ordered by the Lord. So why wouldn’t my reading schedule be?

I will excerpt one paragraph from the chapter about caregivers:

Perhaps one of the toughest decisions of all is the one made by a mate who must place a husband or wife in a nursing home. Nursing home personnel report that a husband placing a wife is probably the hardest of all. The husband seems to have an inborn urge to be the caretaker for the wife. It is a difficult thing to go against this natural urge and not feel like a failure or a traitor.

Yes, I was filled with contrition when I read this; and yet I can say that most of the time I do feel compassion for Pop. I understand that he is Mom’s age; he is not in excellent health himself; he feels a heavy weight for making the decision about Mom’s care.

I suppose that I also have an inborn urge that parallels his to be Mom’s caretaker. Mine comes from being a daughter. So, Frustration can be tamed by Compassion, but it is just one more difficulty to work through on this path we are presently walking. And so we pray!

FRUSTRATION

Frustration: when your hands are tied! How shall I approach this subject today? My hands appear to be tied so tightly that I can hardly type.

Frustration is when you find yourself powerless. It’s when you feel that your mom needs to be in an Alzheimer's care facility, but her “caretaker” does not agree. It’s feeling that you can do nothing for someone you love so much because you are in a position with no authority. It’s when any idea you come up with won’t work because it won’t be implemented.

Frustration is the absence of the ability to communicate when it is such a necessity. Yet conversations seem to go ‘round and ‘round without ever coming to a worthwhile conclusion. It’s when perspectives do not coincide so your perspective is cast aside.

Frustration is seeing two sides to everything but feeling that one side may be more urgent. It’s wanting your loved one clean, wearing fresh clothing, eating nutritiously and on a good schedule. It’s wanting medications dispensed at correct intervals as well as always having another adult present.

Frustration is seeing and caring about the other side, too, but not being believed. And not knowing what to do about it.